Thee Farm Wife

Thee Farm Wife

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

My mind is full...

I could write to you for hours, dear friend. I could sit here and just pour it all out. How much do I share? Tell? Show?

Thee Farmer and his daddy are sitting at the kitchen table making plans for the day. Talking about rocks they picked up doing field work. So peaceful. I love this part of our lives.

It's soybean planting time. I'm already watching my corn pop up in rows. Now they discuss the forecast. When will the rain come? Will it be enough? Too soon? Too late? Our whole way of life is dependent on the weather and The One who makes the rain. "If only it would wait until tomorrow night and then we'd be done."

Now they discuss other farmers and their planting methods. Then there is always this mysterious "if a guy could". I have yet to find said "guy".

Today, I struggle with jealousy. I want to fill my heart with gratitude. To count our blessings and not our needs. But oh, some days, it is so hard to thank Him and count. I have everything I need. I have been blessed with five children that I screamed and prayed to Him for for over 20 years. He answered the cries of my heart and my empty womb and brought me my babies. I have a beautiful home. More than enough space. More than enough beef. More than enough. He gently tugs my heart and sings "All I have in You is more than enough."

Jealousy and coveting. I confess. I want what others take for granted. I see the starving in the world and I choose to help feed and cloth them. I don't buy new clothes for summer. I see all the women who do. I take in more children into our home. I try not to see the jewelry and new shoes and picture perfect homes on Pinterest and of my friends. That aching in my heart that is temptation. That Jesus tells me is an ache that only His perfect love can fill. But, Oh Jesus, help me to trust that you are the Provider of all that we need. That a trip to Target will not fill the emptiness in my heart. That a hug from a little girl who desperately needs You and love from a family is my more than enough.

So, I put on my big girl panties. Thank God I don't use credit cards to pretend to be like all the other girls. (And if they jumped off of the bridge would I follow? No ma'am.) They can have their Pinterest perfect facades. Braces for their children's teeth. Landscaping. Shopping trips and girls nights out. All of the things I have coveted.

For the Lord is good to me. And so I lift my voice. He's given me the things I need. The sun and the rain and the apple seed. Oh the LORD is good to me.

No comments: