Some days I feel so inadequate as a housewife. I have great intentions for each day. I make lists of to-dos and wish-we-coulds. Then, I put my feet on the floor. The kids run to me..."Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" arms flung wide for morning snuggles and I melt. Suddenly, dishes don't matter. Laundry can wait. That book I would love to read? Fugetaboutit...
I am raising Kingdom Kids. I kind of bombed on our oldest. He's 23 and has flown the coop. See, I never demonstrated what I wanted him to learn and know and breathe. I was actually kind of a hypocrite. Yeah, I said it. I was his youth minister at church. I preached and taught and loved...but I failed to LIVE it out in front of him. At home, where it really matters.
But God tells me that it is never ever too late. Satan whispers accusations in my ears that I will never have patience or be able to speak in a calm voice. He lies and says that I suck as a mother. But that is not TRUTH. The TRUTH is that God put me right where I am for such a time as this. Not to keep a perfectly clean home. But to love and make time count. Not to preach but to demonstrate in my actions and words. I wear a bracelet hand made by Ann Voskamp's son. It says "words that build souls up". A reminder to take a deep breath and count and weigh what my words will do. Words that can destroy or words that can make an eternal difference. I can't tell you how many times a day that I beg God to take my voice away because I can't say the right words. That I scream inside for Him to make me a whisperer and not a yeller.
And slowly, I listen for His calming voice in the storm. I get down to their level. Place my hand under their chins and tell them to look at me. Speak calm words of love (even when I want to ask them what in the world were they thinking) and build their little souls up.
Being a mom is hard. It's the hardest thing I have ever done. It's a forever job that doesn't ever get completed. I will never stop mothering. Even on those summer vacation days where I want to run outside and hide under the willow tree branches and read and sip sweet tea and not have a care in the world. ohhhhhhh, I wish.
"Mommy, will you read to me?"
"Mom! I can't find my....!"
"Mommmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...Dad needs you to go open the gate!"
"Mom, Alex spilled the Kool-Aid all over the kitchen!"
And it's only 8 am. But I wouldn't have it any other way. And as for my oldest...I am counting on God's promises for him to be a prodigal son.
Don't give up. Look up. There's a whole wonderful day ready to spill out before you.